9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
