If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
