My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
