so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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