She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
