We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
