And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
