Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
