come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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