wanna go halves on a baby?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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