he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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