Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
