Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
