I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
