It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
