yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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