thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
