He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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