Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
