Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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