Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was like eating out sand paper
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
