Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
