somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
