Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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