Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
