omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
