Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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