ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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