There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize