I hate your face
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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