obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
