does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
