thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
