C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
