nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
