Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
