I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
