hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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