you guys were way drunker than both of me
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
