having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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