it hurts more in the daytime
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
