There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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