Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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