I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
