Fuck appropriateness.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
