Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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