there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
