Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize