I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
