Why are handjobs necessary in class?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
