and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
