So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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