i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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