she woke up with a sticky ear
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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