im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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