He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
