After last night, I could never be a politician.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
