no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
