Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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