Don't you send me to vm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
