Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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