btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
