I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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